January 1, 2012
#59: CMC
THE 21st CENTURY
The one thing left to say is that we all made it,
apart from those who never got here
#55: CMC
BUNTING: I showed you boys the way on pertry
PICKARD: It’s pronounced poetry
MACSWEENEY: Pertry!
PICKARD: Enunciate thus : po-e-try
BUNTING: Boys!
PICKARD [Aside] Cant!
MACSWEENEY: I heard that. It’s pronounced cunt.
[Enter J.H. Prynne]
BUNTING: Here’s Sykes, easy boys!
PRYNNE: [Stares broodily]
BUNTING: Poet appointed do not decline to walk among the bogus
PRYNNE: [Drops trousers] : Got any leeches for this?
#49: CMC
Usury is the mincer of a gameshow host’s gonads (average contents 81% pork, 19% tagline)*
*this is taken from a cross-section of comedians, ranging from 12% pork in the case of Lee Evans to 100% pork for the late Bob Monkhouse)
#47: CMC
Shakespeare: I gave you my first best bed
Tracey Emin: You were shit in it
Shakespeare: The gold we made in it you ciphoned in cash
Tracey Emin: Yeh!
Shakespeare: Furnish me, for the sake of our past, with gold
Tracey Emin: Fuck off!
#45: CMC
Most blogs, Dear Reader, follow a narrative like this:
_______________________________________
This blog, however, runs in a less than tolerable unstrait line:
#43: CMC
CHRISTMAS QUIZ
Who does this haircut belong to?
A: Tony Green
B: Kim Jong Il
C: Keith from Stores
#41: CMC
Milton: Welcome everyone on this fine bright balmy day
indoors to what promises to be an evening
of top tungsten-chucking of the highest class.
This is the final we all wanted to see : Franics Bacon
against the one known as The Recurrent
Sausage. And as they settle in with their warm-up
darts it must be said Chris that Bacon is odds-on favourite
for this match having caused some major upsets in these
championships, proving himself to be something
of a Robin Hood of the flue-stems
Chris Rea: He’s played out of his pie-crust all week
proving what we’ve said all along that in terms
of stamina & upper-body strength darts players
are as fit as boxers or even athletes. There
hasn’t been so much excitement since the Romans
fed the Christians to the lions & he’s been planting
those arrows with the accuracy of a couple
of inter-continental ballistic missiles. I don’t
know whether he’ll win or not. I think he will.
I know he’s ready for the job & if not, well,
that’s just the way it goes
Milton: Well said Chris, & he’s proving us right
with a good start here. He’s thinking ahead.
He’s an intelligent man. He’s known to get
the semantics & serifs of his dart tips into
the smallest & most unlikely of places –
like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble.
This guy is the complete all-rounder: he has
muscles in places I don’t even have places.
If it’s there to be found he’ll find it & for risk
of sounding a little racist, he takes no monkey
business whatsoever. He’s scoring heavy here.
Just look at the concentration in those eyes:
bulging like the bellies of a couple of starving wrens
Chris Rea: And birds are interesting aren’t they John, they say
in darts you need a bird on your shoulder
but this guy has a whole aviary. The opposition’s emotions
must be on a bungee string.
Milton: I think we should just remind the viewers
at home that we are not being partial here
we just want the match to go on for as long
as possible. People ascribe this & that to this
but it’s really about freedom of action & that’s
what it’s about. Just take a look at the side-profile
of that throw: the dart begins to spin even before
it leaves his hand. The hallmark of a great player.
#39: CMC
FIVE TIPS FOR BECOMING AN ARTIST
#37: CMC
All
the old
cuemen are
dead they’ve
gone to heaven &
they’re not coming back
#35: CMC
For those of you watching in black & white, Verlaine is the one between Chas & Dave
#33: CMC
RIMBAUD (VerlainefuckedmeupforXmasversion)
Absolute Beginner of ABC 
Born into this self-belief of Christ,[LIKE (0)]
A Bum around the Commune,
Charleville a Dump, [LIKE (0)]
The Zutiste Hotel, Garish Hours
Haunted by childish ‘I’ issues, 
Playing the Hoary Imp
Down Saint Michel,
Kippers Lolling Leery-Mouthed
From Verlaine’s pockets, [LIKE (0)]
Now Outside the metro,
The Older Poet’s ovaloid head
Retching gargoyles of vomit
My Quiff angelically Rising,
Raging like ragworm against the Seine,
Running from Gare du Nord Station
Sulkily-Tipsy in unsatisfied desires .[LIKE (2)]
Up inside Verlaine yet still
Virginal, Washed only once
& Very nearly envied the finger-Waxed
Windows ADD TO WISHLIST
#29: CMC
THE LOCK ON THE SMELLY
CUPBOARD HAS BROKEN
the butcher has been informed
#27: CMC
THE WORLD AT WAR (VOL. 1) : THE MIGHTY BOCHE
#25: CMC
I lost my frenulum in the War, playing football with a German
#19: CMC
LITERARY TYPOS Of OLD LONDON TOWN
Milton : navel : Cheapside : PARADISE L[U]ST
Blake : nipple : Lambeth : [TH]ONGS OF INNOCENCE & EXPERIENCE
Wordsworth : stomach : Temple : THE PRELU[B]E
Coleridge : frenulum : Hampstead heath: THE RIM[ ] OF THE ANCIENT MARINER
#15: CMC
Shakespeare: Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.
Hadley: Love is like a high prison wall.
Shakespeare: Love is not love
Hadley: There’s something I could have learned,
You’re indestructible
Shakespeare: Which alters when it alteration finds,
Hadley: Slowly being eaten away
Shakespeare: Or bends with the remover to remove:
Hadley Just another play for today
Shakespeare: O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
Hadley: Gold!
Shakespeare: That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
Hadley: Always believe in your soul
Shakespeare: That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
Hadley: You’ve got the power to know
Shakespeare: It is the star to every wandering bark,
Hadley: You’re indestructible
Shakespeare: Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Hadley: Thank you for coming home
I’m sorry that the chairs are all worn
Shakespeare: That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
Hadley: Gold!
Shakespeare: Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Hadley: Gold!
Shakespeare: Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Hadley: Always believe in your soul
Shakespeare: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
Hadley: After the rush has gone
Shakespeare: But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
Hadley: You’re indestructible
Shakespeare: If this be error and upon me proved,
Hadley: I’m sorry that the chairs are all worn
Shakespeare: I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
#13: CMC
Dear Marlowe
Next time your corset gussets
and your offal spills a brothel
of eels across the floor
and Deptford seems like a Black Market
of your innards
fluidly signed Christopher
and you wished you’d have stayed in your room
jacking off God’s name across the page
and you’d have swerved the blade end
of an early intestinal checkout
marshed in the tavern’s bucket
eiderdowned in a testosteronal heap
of sinew & eyelid & frenulum
just think of me, that once –
give this cankered worm its peace
Love Dale 
#9: CMC
DOUBLE BACON
“The rurall parts are turn’d into a den of sau[s]age men”
“Readeth maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing
an exact man”
Bacon (A fat man)
Liverpool Graffiti
#7: CMC
we’re all Feudalists when we’re naked
#5: CMC
when I was a communist
my table was a gigolo
when I was a bourgeois
my cat was in his fifties
when I was a peasant
my water was a haystack
when I was a rich man
my contracts were for bonbons
when I was a feudalist
I argued with my pinkies
when I was a capitalist
my head fell off at picnics
when I was a socialist
my house was in a conker
when I was a dragon
my den was in a Ubend
when I was an upstart
my day began with hamsters
when I was a broker
I holidayed in my frenulum
when I was a communist
my motor was emotional
#3: CMC
Tamagotchi pacemaker : amnesia & cream was the death of me
#1: CMC
There is nothing more outward facing than an exposed arse. Though all arses are insular. Even an exposed arse is insular.
Introduction
This is a collaborative site hosting Chris McCabe and Tom Jenks’ second collaborative poetry project. Work will appear here throughout December 2011.
cmtjcamarade 